ASK SKIPPY

[Joe Sperling]

"Hi Everyone. My name ith Thkippy and I wath in a thtory called Geftakylypthe Now, then
I worked for Donald Trump for a while until he got thick of me. I dethided maybe I could
thtart a column like Dear Abbie uthed to have, and try to help people. But firtht I need
to make a phone call. Hold on."

(Picks up phone and punches in a phone number and pauses for a moment). "Oh Hi, ith
thith Ralph'th Thupermarket? Oh good, could I have the meat department pleathe? Thankth.
Oh hi, ith thith the meat department? It ith? I wanted to athk if you have pig'th feet?
You do? It mutht be really hard for you to walk."  He hangs up the phone.

"Now, where were we? Oh yeah. I rethieved thith letter and thought I would read it to
you. It ith from an Otto Planchard of Authtin Texthath. He writeth:

'Dear Thkippy,

I've been to theveral doctorth about an awful pain I have in my neck. Every time I look up
there ith a thooting pain that goeth up my neck to the top  of my head. It'th thimply
awful, and the doctorth don't theem to be able to help me at all. I don't want to thtay
on pain killerth all of my life. What do you thuggethd?'   thintherely, Otto'

"Well, Otto, I'm thurprithed you haven't figured out the eathy anther to thith one. Jutht
don't look up and you won't feel that awful pain. Look thraight ahead or down. That was
actually a pretty thilly quethtion. I hope the nextht letter I rethieve ith thomething much
more therious. Well, gotta go now, I gotta make another phone call.

[M2]

Dear Thkippy,

I've been looking for Yarblonthki, but can't theem to find him.  Have you theen him?  Maybe he ith over at Brent'th Chiropractric Clinic getting hith leg pulled.  Brent hath thome degreeth, I think, tho maybe he'th over there.  I hope Brent ith careful because he could put Yarblonthki out of whack, and actually fix him and then what will happen to your column?  Tho many thingth to worry about.  I have to go talk to my other counthellor now.

Bye.

[Joe Sperling]

LOL Marcia! Maybe Yablonthki could uthe thome countheling. If you thee him have
him write a letter and maybe I could help him. He did contact me and thaid he vithited
thomeone and now one leg ith longer than the other. He juthtd thtarted crying and
then he hung up. Hopefully he'll write me thoon.

thankth, Thkippy

[M2]

Dear Thkippy,

You are my hero.  Thank you for reading my letter.  Thank you for caring enough to reply.  Thank you.  Thank you.  I owe you.

Yablonthki ith extra-thpecial.  I hope he ith OK.  If he callth you back pleathe tell him to call me.

You know, I wath wondering, ith Thkippy your real name?  I looked it up and could not find it.  Check thith thite: babynamewizard.com/namevoyager/lnv0105.html

Bye for now.

[Joe Sperling]

Marcia---

Thankth. That'th really interethting. You won't find my name there becauth both
my Mom and Dad had lithpths, but the nurthe who wath there at my birth wath
hard of hearing. Tho My Mom told the nurthe my name was Robert, but the nurthe
wrote down Rabbit inthtead. Tho my legal birth name ith Rabbit Winthlow Thkiperthon.

My Mom, fearing I would be made fun of in thchool, thtarted calling me Thkippy, after
my latht name Thkiperthon. But my thenile Grandmother thtill therveth me lettuthe and
barley pelletth when I vithit, and hath a water bottle hanging on the wall with a metal
tube coming out of it for me to drink from, and the petth me rather than hugging me. My
Grandmother alwayth callth me her "little bunny". It'th kind of embarrathing. Well, thankth
for the link and hope we talk again thoon.

[M2]

That'th a good quethtion Marthia, how long is the thong, thoap, thoap, thoap, thoap, thoap?Thpeaking of haunted houtheth, if anyone ith interethted, I have a genuine "Cathper the friendly
ghotht" autograph for thale. You can have it for a meathley five hundred dollarth. Let me know before I put it on E-bay.

thankth, Thkippy

Dear Thkippy,

Thank you for athking.  The correct anthwer ith 5 barth.

Thpeaking of afghanth, I heard another one potht 9/11.  Did you hear about the old woman who wath not allowed to take her knitting needleth on the plane?  Thhe wath knitting an afghan.

Moonie, at leatht David'th afghanth are not thread bare eh??

Marthia