First of all I would like to say THANK YOU for this web site!!!!!
???OK, I've tried for the past ten minutes to put into words what it has meant to me to be able to read and relate to the thoughts and experiences of so many....let me just repeat THANK YOU!!!
I hope you don't mind if I take this opportunity to share some of my experiences.
I would like to begin by expressing my undying gratitude and appreciation to David Geftakys. Had he not ripped my heart out and humiliated me when I asked to move back into the sister's house I'm sure I would have stayed in bondage for many more years. To him my deepest thanks (could this be considered a vpa
?). The only sad part about this episode is that Judy defended me during this meeting. I began to cry and DG told me that my tears meant absolutely nothing. Judy stood up for me at this point. It breaks my heart to think what she probably suffered for her kindness. But this is actually the end of my story, let's go to the beginning.
I met the saints on a college campus (bet you never heard that before
) when I was 18. I began attending the campus Bible study and started attending assembly meetings soon after. Five months later I moved into a sister's apartment. I grew up in your typical dysfunctional home, so I was drawn to the "Bible based", "super spiritual" attmosphere. I had been saved the year before, but had no real instruction as to what it meant to be a Christian. I thought these people had the answers.
I lived with two roommates and from them I learned the basic tenets of sisterhood. Oh, I forgot to mention, I had a boyfriend. We had gone to high school together and were saved within weeks of each other. He joined the Navy after hs so we didn't get to see each other very often, but when he did come to town we tried to spend lots of time together. Well, you can guess how that went over with the LBs. (My young beau actually attended the assembly in Chicago (not where I lived) a few times and perhaps one day he will share his story on the BB, but I digress.) It wasn't long until the relationship was disolved, after all, how can someone in the military truly be walking with the Lord?
Hmmmm?
(We'll come back to this fellow later)
After several months of living with the sisters, a worker couple came from the holy land of Fullerton and started a sisters house. Ah, but that was not to be my home. At least not yet. I was asked to move into the bros house. Now, at the time I thought I was all that to be singled out for this honor. Can anyone say "dork"? I lived there to help out the home town worker couple that had just had a baby. Whenever the baby cried in the middle of the night, I was expected to get up out of my bed from accross the hall, enter the master bedroom and take the baby from his crib to his mother to nurse and then I changed him. Little matter that I had school and a job. (You know, I had help like that when my babies came. It was called a HUSBAND!!!) And not one time did this sister ever tell me thank you or show appreciation in any way. My service was simply expected.
There is nothing lower on the food chain than a single sister in a brothers house. Everyone holds rank over you. Even the baby dictated what I did and when. A prime example of this was the way the rest of the household treated my car. It was my first car, a 1967 Plymouth Valiant (Bring back memories fellow old timers?). No one in the house asked me if they could use it. They would TELL me that they needed it (at least I got that courtesy, I suppose they could have just driven off without saying anything. Wait a minute, they did that too..sigh). And forget about replacing the gas. If I had a full tank before they left, I could count on an empty tank when I next got behind the wheel. Another example of the lack of respect given a sister happened one Saturday when 3 or 4 brothers were at the house and they were hungry. No meal was planned, but I offered to get something together. I heated up some soup along with a few other things we had in the fridge. After he prayed a LB turned to speak to me. I thought surely he was going to thank me or express some type of approval for all the trouble I had gone to (heaven forbid that anyone could have helped me put the meal together). His acknowledgment of my work was "Sister, when you serve soup, you should set the table with large spoons, not small ones."
That was it. I was devastated. Then, of course the brothers left to do their important brother things, and I was left with the clean up after them.
OK, enough with the whining. Well, maybe not enough, but I'll stop for now.
Wanna know some of the things this rebellious little sister did? I worked for a couple of LBs for a time (at the request of GG no less) and my predecessor always prepared a hot lunch for these guys (again with the food, oy) so I was also expected to shop, cook, serve, and clean up. I asked one of my employers if perhaps we could take turns cooking or if I cooked, could they clean up? I was told no, that it was my job. I asked if I was going to get paid for my time. Again I was told no. From that day on I brought my own lunch or ate out, but I never set foot in that kitchen again.
Another bit of rebellion came when I was living with the sisters again. A discussion was had at the end of a mid-week meeting between an LB and we sisters about who would take a visitor home. One of the sisters said "we will see to it that Gloria gets home" and so the LB went on his way. Now the sister that spoke up had to work that night (3d shift) and what she meant by "we" was that I (yours truly) would do the taxi run (the other sisters also worked 3rd shift that night). By this point in my assembly life, I had reached a saturation point of others deciding when and for what I would "volunteer." I had taken Gloria home a couple of weeks earlier and had a car accident. I wasn't keen on making the drive again. So I handed my keys to my dear sister and told her she could use my car to drive our visitor home. "But I'll be late for work," she protested. To which I replied, "Then you shouldn't have volunteered."
Now, I will humbly state here, and I am quite sure to my reader's shock and horror
that I did my fair share of "assemblyistic behavior" when dealing with my brothers and sisters. For this I honestly do apologize. I could brandish a holier than thou attitude with the best of them. If you are one that I offended, please send me an e-mail and let me know. I would like to give you a personal apology. Nancy, I would like to take this oportunity to apologize for reading your journal. I don't think I ever told you I was sorry, but after 25 years, I still regret what I did.
Well, I have been at this posting way too long and I'm sure you're bored to tears, so let me finish up here.
As I mentioned above, I did move into the sisters house eventually, the one with the workers from Fullerton. And yes, it was an assembly training house, but I still have some fond memories of those days. However, it was while living there that I hit the brick wall as far as coping with the emotional stress of assembly life. I won't go into detail, because if you were a part of this system, you know all too well what I'm talking about. One stress that I had that was not typical (at least I hope and pray not) was that I was being sexually abused during this time (not by the brother in the sister's house). The "brother" that was doing this, I am sure, thought I had no idea what was going on. I don't want to go into further explanation other than to say I was a naive young woman and he took advantage of that fact.
One afternoon I decided to pack and leave. The only other person in the house at the time was a sleeping roommate. We lived in the basement and her bed was between all of my stuff and the door. Either she was a VERY sound sleeper or I was just incredibly quiet, but I got all of my stuff out and packed into my car without her waking up. I moved into my grandma's house.
I still attended meetings for awhile and even tried to move back in with the sisters (again, thanks DG for your kindness).
Remember that guy from the Navy? Well he'd been doing some heavy duty praying and he came home on leave about this time because he was still in love with a certain someone (that would be me). But his prayer was "Lord, I love her, but we can't be together if she's still a part of that group." Well, I could fill another post with how we came to be. Just know that on Feb 21, 2006 we will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary.
Thanks for letting me ramble. Please forgive me if I have offended you in this writing. It's just such a blessing to know that I can write this and there are a host of people out there who can relate to what I'm saying.
Blessings,
Gay
